Speaking with Love , Not Anger
Yesterday was one of those days. With my 5 month old (Hope) and 2 year old(Noel) having bronchitis, it seemed every waking moment available for whining, my 2 year old took advantage. I can't tell you how many times she defied me or cried for no reason. I wanted to fly of the handle so many times, but her sad, half-moon eyes reminded me she wasn't feeling well, and that her "naughtiness" was really because of that.
It's hard when your kids are sick. For me, it seems like nothing is enjoyable until I know they are not hurting. I noticed this week, while dealing with these illnesses, that my daughter likes to be "babied".
She's like her da-da. You know, the kind of people that want you to wrap them up with a blanket, pillow, put their favorite movie on TV and be at their beckoned call.
For the past few months, as Noel has started really talking in more sentences, it has become apparent to me that how I act or what I say will influence the way she responds.
This is so true with most adults too.
I say it all of the time to my husband who is a Marine Corps Recruiter. Occasionally, I hear him talk to students and potential recruits about their futures, and it is full of insecurity-inducing interrogation. No one likes to be made to feel unsure, invaluable or incapable.
I think people respond much better to positive and uplifting words that portray to those listening that there is better ahead. Sending the message that-You can do it!
When asking Noel to pick up her toys or books, instead of getting frustrated that she isn't doing it fast enough or the "right way", I simply must start with the "good jobs" before she even picks up the first one. I quickly see that she is inspired to take the first step...first one book, then the next.
If she is my good helper one minute, I am sure to hug and praise her like crazy in hopes she will want to do it again.
This fundamental idea can be used on animal training, teaching in schools and so many other areas.
I intended on keeping it at the forefront of my mouth when I am speaking to my kids and/or my husband.
After all, I know he is more likely to fold the towels for me if I praise and make a big deal that he helps me, when he does the first time ;)
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." (Proverbs 15:1 NIV).